Keep my eyes turned upward- dealing with cancer

This past weekend I have had a lot on my mind. In earlier posts I mentioned that my grandfather has stage four cancer. My family and I went through exactly the same situation last year with him. However miraculously last year he went into remission for a couple months. I truly believe God performed a miracle when he blessed my grandfather with another year.
This time it seems to be different though. I don't really know all the details but my mom said he's fading.

If you would have asked me about my grandfather before he went through cancer, I would have said something like: "Well, I don't really see him that much. I don't think he really cares about me..I mean I can't even remember the last time I got a birthday card from him..."
I would have been selfish and not really cared. In my mind he didn't want to know us so I didn't want to know him.
When someone in your immediate family gets cancer it is probably one of the worst feelings. Even if they caught the cancer early no one ever wants to hear they have cancer.
When my mom first told me my grandfather's cancer was back, I cried. I literally sobbed at my desk. There were a multitude of feelings within me. I thought: "Why God? Why have you taken back our answer to prayer? How could You do this to us again and so soon?!"
I was angry, hurt, confused, among many other things...I just wanted to lie on my bed and have a pity party because my life wasn't the fairy tale everyone else got to have.
Through these past few months I really have to deal with not letting myself focus on the situations I've been through. I have had to realize that God is control. As John 10:28 says "No one shall snatch them out of My hand." It is so encouraging to know that but hard to live that way. As humans we always want to be independent. Even more so as Americans, we are told to handle things ourselves and we don't need  anyone. (A very prideful attitude indeed.)
I have had to every day remind myself to give up my troubles to God, remember that all things are in His plan.
The other day I was just reminded of the thought that maybe this is my grandfather's last Christmas with us. I was so upset and worried. I was just filled with this feeling of helplessness. I have no way of curing cancer. I decided to just go down to the pond and pray. I wrote down a prayer to God and just sat there in the cold on a bench, weeping my heart out for my grandfather and the sad situation. I read Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Then I realized, the reason why I was so tired and felt helpless was because I was not relying on God! DUH! I mean so many times I do that. I think "I can't do this anymore, it's too hard." But I have never gone to the One who is limitless in strength and power.
Let my story remind you that you need to go to God daily for strength. You can't do this on your own.
2 Corinthians 12:9 and 10 say:  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Give the kid a chance...

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

-Helen Keller


I don't know about you, but, I think we hold beauty in too high of a standard. We think less of those who we feel are not beautiful and don't want to be seen with them. Or maybe we want to be seen with them so that we look better next to them. Either way, it's a totally wrong attitude! Whether or not someone is beautiful does not change who they are inside. A beautiful person can be a mean ugly person inside just as an ugly person can have a beautiful heart, not just vice versa! I say DON'T JUDGE!

I feel people judging me all the time. Even my friends do it sometimes. I will be honest, I am certainly not skinny and I am certainly not very attractive, but looks are not a good reason not to get to know someone!!!!! It makes me so angry when guys only go for the pretty skinny girls. I'm not saying that girls that are pretty are less human but give both sides a chance! It's not fair to be so mean to those that WE FEEL are not as good looking. Who can help how they are born? Tell me, WHO CHOSE THEIR FACE?!? WHY IS ONE THING BEAUTIFUL AND ONE THING UGLY?!? WHO DECIDES WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL?!?



Well, I have said my piece. But, take my advice. Give the guy/girl a chance, get to know them before you cross them off the list of potential mates.

Let go..Let GOD

"Give your burden to the Lord, and He will take care of you." ~ Psalm 55:22


Well, if you know me, I worry ALOT. Way too much in fact. I hate that I worry because it means I am not relying on God. Worrying is what I struggle with the most out of anything. So, starting today I want to try my hardest to give my burdens, my worries to Him. You try it too! Maybe you think you have it all together... Examine yourself and you will find that there is always something bugging you. Maybe it's money or the future... Give it up to God. Who better to hold your future than the One who created you?!

Beauty from Pain

"If God can bring blessing from the broken body of Jesus and glory from something that's as obscene as the cross, He can bring blessing from my problems and my pain and my unanswered prayer. I just have to trust Him."
~Anne Graham Lotz

"God is the only one who can make the valley of trouble a door of hope."
~Catherine Marshall

"God does not always heal us instantly the way we think. He is not a jack-in-the-box God. But God is walking with me through this."
~Thelma Wells

Today I found out my grandfather's cancer is back. My grandfather had stage four cancer almost a year ago and just recently went into remission only to have it back again. I am so upset and discouraged. I know God has done this for a reason but why this again? When I finally am able to catch my breath again and have a normal life? It's really hard to have to constantly be going through trials.

Then again, I think of the apostle Paul and the incredible amount of horrible things he went through. If God used him and loved him then He will certainly be with me during mine. I pray that He uses this bad situation to His glory. I pray that He turns my tears to joy. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co6HXUN19AY&feature=related

Wear it...Declare it...

The other day I looked at a pair of pants I had from that "Kohl's" brand "So!". On the label it said: "Wear it, Declare it!" I started thinking... Our clothes say something about us. When we look at someone in a short skirt or a tight shirt we think: "That girl is bad! She is definitely a sinner and a floosy!" Or how about when we see someone wearing black. We think: "They must be in mourning or they're goth!" But what about the so called "normal" people? What do their clothes say about them? Do they say: "Here's a mom with two kids. She's married, her husband has a good job. They are middle class citizens who always pay their bills on time." I don't think so...They do, however, say something!
I think as Christians we should wear something that shows who we are on the inside. We should dress modest and wear clothes that draws our attention to our faces not the rest of our body.
I know, I know, you've heard it all before: "Don't make the guys stumble!" "Don't show off what God gave you!"
I'm not saying they're wrong but we should tell others the reason behind it. As Christians we are to be different. We aren't supposed to look exactly like the world. When someone is wearing a low cut top...are you thinking.."Hey, I BET that girl's a Christian! She looks so godly right there, with her chest all hanging out."
NO WAY! especially if you're a guy. (Though I do not have firsthand knowledge of this...)

Our clothes, like our life, should reflect a love and dedication to God.

The day of my birth...

Well, I am now officially 18 years old. Weird! I feel so old, so "grown up". I hate it! Just kidding, though, actually I just don't like it. (Hate is too strong a word) I have now spent my first birthday at college and my first day of classes here. A weird combo no? Needless to say, I was not very happy about having to do school on MY birthday. It has been a strange day actually, it does not feel like a birthday AT ALL. My family isn't here, my friends from home aren't here, and I didn't get to eat birthday cake! ;D Bummer, I know.
It's weird, I actually forgot today was my birthday! You see, at lunch, I saw some pretty tempting brownies as dessert. I did not allow myself one, thinking only of the numerous calories they contained. If I had realized TODAY was my birthday I would definitely taken one! (and consequently gained 10lbs for the sake of Murphy's Law)
It hasn't been too bad of a day though. My RA gave me some flowers! They're very pretty and are on my desk. My Mom, Danielle, and Skylar left me cards and a present, which was thoughtful of them. I also got many "Happy Birthday"s.
I'm just INCREDIBLY homesick and wish I were home having a true birthday party. :(
So, anyone wanna bake me a cake? :P

Give me Lord a servant's heart

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

-Mark 10:45

Jesus came to be a servant. Think about that, the Lord, God in human flesh, came to serve the lowliest of low. It blows my mind.

We don't expect a king to be doing a servant's job. We would never tell a king he should be washing floors or putting away dishes. But Christ, the King of all Kings, came to be a servant to all. He didn't come to be treated as royalty but came to save those that could not save themselves.

Remember John 13? Where Jesus washes His disciples feet? That is the example we should follow. We should be like Christ and present ourselves as a servant and helper.

John 13:1-17

Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

1Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. 2During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, 3Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, do you wash my feet?" 7 Jesus answered him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand." 8 Peter said to him, "You shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me." 9Simon Peter said to him, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!" 10Jesus said to him, "The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you." 11 For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, "Not all of you are clean."

12When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcQkYW1tEUw  - Servant's Heart- Ron Hamilton